"The Life Before Her Eyes"

I've just seen this movie, I have to say I didn't expected it.

You should see the movie "The Life Before Her Eyes", but really see it, don't read anything about it (like what I write next lol), don't make up your mind about the type of movie you are going to see... Just watch it, feel it and you might realize what I'm talking about.

Is is true that your life passes before your eyes when you are in the face of death? But is it your past or your future? What do you see?

My sister doesn't like films like this one, she likes something, how can I call it, solid, with a "the end". I liked the movie, maybe because it surprised me, it made me thing about lots of things, it made me come here and tell you about it.
I don't want to ruin it and start telling scenes and events but it's hard to explain what I felt without doing so.

When you're young, being an adult is so far away, you have your whole life ahead and it seems that everything is possible. You have your friends, you make your own mistakes and you learn from them, you grow up, you begin to see what life is about.
I never thought about my future, what I would do or how I would do it.

An event like that one in the movie, it changes everything. I've never heard of such thing happening in Portugal, only in the US and one European country. I have no idea how I would feel or react to that situation.
What makes a person do that? How mad, angry, disappointed, hurt would you have to be to hurt so many people? It's something I don't understand.
And this movie just skips it, it takes you to a single moment in time, the moment where you choose, the moment you find out what you're made of, how big is your heart, those seconds where you can see everything.
I really thought I was seeing her life, with her guilt, her sadness, her choices, her friend's dream life but I was wrong.


You should see the movie "The Life Before Her Eyes", but really see it! Just watch it, feel it and you might realize what I'm talking about.

It's time to go.
See u soon
bye

Christmas....

Here I am, home for Christmas.

This year I0ve got a strange felling, it seems like this is not Christmas. Maybe that's because of all the work I had the past two weeks, maybe...

At least now I'm resting, taking a break from my student life, just a few days to charge back and return to work.

This year is going to be different, my cousins will only arrive on the 24th evening, hopefully before midnight. My uncle won't be joining us, we will spend his Christmas with his girlfriend's family.
I don't even care, I know it's a bad thing to say but that's the truth, we might be better without him here.
My grandparents are arriving tomorrow morning and the day will start.

I guess this is just like an ordinary holiday for everyone, family comes, they eat, open presents, the next day they lunch and that's it.

On thing I don't agree, but that's normal nowadays, is that people think Christmas is the only time to give gifts or the only time to be generous and it's not! Most just pretend everything is ok because is politically correct, it keeps appearances. I hate seeing the news when they show people saying "oh this year everything is too expensive, I've no money" but they still spend the money they don't have in gift when a simple thing would be much better, or at least a useful thing. I always ask my parents what they need, not what they want. I like giving them something useful, something they need now or that they will need soon than something that would only replace a old and still good thing.

I don't like spending money on stupid things, on thing that aren't just the ones needed. But hey that's just me...


ok let's wrap this up...
I just wanted to stop by and wish u all a very Merry Christmas!!! That your life can be full of joy, happiness and love with your friends and your family.

see u later


ps: I know something I can be a bit harsh but I need to let it out and this is the place I chose for it.

Time

What is time?

A couple days ago I read an article on a magazine about time. Why do we say "If I had more time..."? Time doesn't grow, it doesn't stop, it keeps passing and there's nothing you can do about it!
"I have no time!" For me this is more "I can't organize yourself!" lol that's me, I always wish having more time to do something more but I never get to do it.
I'm in my last year at collegue and I thought, "I may need more time to collegue so I'll stop working for a few months" Well it seemed a great idea, the hour I would spend at work I now could spend doing something else.
A couple months have gone by and I still have no time, it looks like it flyes by. I think about something to do but then I don't do it and it keeps going and going.

For example, I have lots of papers to deliever plus my thesis theme to search and I can't put myself up to do it. The more time I have the less I do.
Oh well guesss this was all somethings getting things in writting helps me, it makes me remember them and makes me try to change them.

See u soon

accepting suggestions

Hi guys

I know I've been away for more than a month but college is not easy, specially the final year.

I've been working a lot and I barely have the time to relax. For those of you that know me a bit, you know that I usual make tv show reviews on tv.com, have you seen any lately? that's right, no time for that either and I like doing it.

Me and my friends are planning a trip for next year, to a city in Europe.
I'm accepting suggestions! lol

I've already been in Barcelona, London, Amsterdam, Rotterdam and Toulouse. I also know Lisbon and Porto so not these two.

It's not a big list but that's all I've got for now.

those who stay behind

Has I was writing a review for the latest OTH episode, one of my favorite shows, I felt the need to say something more.

If you saw that episode, you had a glimpse, an idea of what happens when you lose someone. I heard that loosing a son or a daughter is the worse thing ever but loosing a parent, a friend, a loved one? Who can say what's worst?

Seeing each one deal with it in their own way, with their problems reminded me when it happened to me. It's a path we must take and it can be really hard sometimes but it gets better with time and with the support of your family and friends.

It changes you, it's something you will keep with you for the rest of your life.

At least that's what I fell. I think about her everyday, sometimes just a phrase or a smell. There's not a day gone by her face doesn't come to my head. I see her picture and I just smile, she is always with me and I like that.

This is a topic that just recently came to my attention, it's one of those things that happen that mark you and you juat have to say something.

I cried so many times, I just wanted the pain to go away, not just the pain but also the "saudades"(there's not a translation for this word), the emptiness.

It's hard for all but in different ways...

poem by Robert Frost

"Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

Poem " Stopping by woods on a snowy evening" by Robert Frost

I heard part of this poem the other day, as an important part of a story, I had to bring it here.

finally

Finally I'm back and ready for rest.

This last months have been really hard, so much to do and so little time. I couldn't think University, Work, Home, Gym. And today I finally presented my last work, the most important one and the most demanding one too. Next year there's more to do lol

My only obligation is tomorrow a class and go to the gym on thrusday.

It's so good not having to work.


I'll be back soon I promise

I need a break!!! Preciso de uma pausa!!!

Sorry but this one is going to be in Portuguese...

Preciso de uma pausa! Com tanta coisa em que pensar e tanto para fazer, n sei para onde me virar.
Mas k raios, como é k isto chegou a estes termos??? Um dos piores semestres a nivel de trabalho (a nivel pessoal tive um ano bem pior...).
Com é possivel faltar a tantas aulas, adiar todas as entregas e mais algumas, chegar ao exames sem tempo pra estudar por causa dos trabalho, ter um exame hj daki a 4 horas e ainda n ter pegado nos livros, ter duas entregas uma um dia dps da outra e serem as duas com trabalhos dificeis, mas k se passa?!?!?!

To a ficar doida! preciso sair daki, nem tempo pra ir ao ginasio tenho, tempo e vontade pk se vou comeco a pensar no tempo k perco de trabalho e acabo por n ir, fazia-me bem.

Isto é suposto ser uma coisa que eu goste de fazer mas com tanta confusao e discussao no grupo n sei n, até eu já me passei e sou uma pessoa calma.

Ok ja chega de escrever pk os trabalhos esperam-me aki ao lado...

kk dia volto (espero...)


For those that don't understand Portuguese, I was just complaining about University work and exams, I just have no time to think or feel or be sad or happy, I just need a break from all this but it will take some time, the rest is far far away now.

I'll try to come back..

Bye

I'm disappointed...at myself

I'm disappointed!

When I started the blog I said I would write a lot about me and other stuff, but most important I would write a lot.
That didn't happen or at least not in the last month.

Okay I know I was on a trip a while ago, now I'm back but that's no excuse.

I was on my way to Lx and I started thinking about this.

I promise I'll be back soon, my life right now is kind of...chaotic but I'll do my best.

And I will reveal my "to do" list lol

bye

a month has gone by

I haven't been here for a while, a month!! I can't believe.
So much has happen, I went to France for a workshop, last week was my birthday, I'm full of papers to deliver...

I just wanted to come here and say something for you to know I'm still alive and I'll be back soon.

Something interesting happened yesterday, my sister showed me some videos on YouTube. A couple of girls singing ans very well I might say. I used to do that, sing playing my guitar. I didn't record it on video but somethings in audio with my mp3.

Some people tell me I can sing, I don't know lol

But anyway it's good to see young kids trying to make their dreams come true.

I'll be back and next time I'll reveal my "to do in life" list. There is so much to do I don't even know where to start but this is for the next post.

Bye

How stupid can a person be?

I know this is going to sound fake and untrue but really, how could I be so stupid?

I'm having a great time with my cousin, his friends, my sister and my father. We were laughing and talking, it was great, I love this type of things. We are all friends and then I go and say something stupid, but really stupid.

It was my pathetic attempt to be funny. I always hugging and kissing my cousin, I do that with all my family and one of his friends said that she had never seen that, me being so sweet with him. A minute later, trying to be funny I just go and say to that girl "it's because I don't like you" UAUH!!!

How stupid is that, I was going for that "oh yeah i don't like you lol lol lol" but it came out so serious that she got upset, I continued with "i just to have that easy with you" or something like that, then I realized she was really upset, but really upset.
I didn't and still don't know what to do..

I was really trying to be funny but after 4 am it doesn't work, I was the only one that didn't drink and I was the one that ruined her night. She was all the right to be angry at me and calling me whatever she wants...

I've to go, I just don't know what to do..

Why???

Why can't I just have an idea? Every time I'm trying to work, to come up with something for my project, it all sucks??
I used to have good ideas, I used to be creative but now... I'm working in a office building, designing the building with two other colleagues. This time my part is thinking about the exterior, the facade so to speak. I just can't have an idea for it, it's always the same one. Truth been told I haven't tried that hard, I get bored.
But that shouldn't happen!! I'm doing something I love (supposedly). I should be full of ideas but I'm not and I hate it.

Changing a bit...
Today I was talking with a friend and she was telling about a boy she liked and stuff like that. All my friends had or have someone in their lives, I haven't...
I don't know why or maybe I just can't admit it but I've never dated or anything like that. I've never been in love.
I can't recall my first kiss, I'm not sure I had one.
Guess I'm just too shy...
Sometimes, now more than before, I find myself wishing to have someone by my side, in the bus home, in the subway, in class breaks...someone that loved me as I am.
And because I'm a romantic, I would like it to be secret, my friends wouldn't know at first. It would be our secret.
I guess that's my problem too, I'm waiting for prince charming,I'm waiting for that look across the room, a bump in the street, a casual and innocent meeting that becomes much more.

Like I said, I don't let people in that easy...

Let's stop here, it's better for now

Something I heard today

Looks like this is very popular but today was the first time I heard it so...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the star shine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.

This is beautiful.

always with me

Hey again, last friday was my grandparents wedding aniverssary. they would have been together for 62 years now. My grandmother died one year and a few months ago...
She had leucemia and it was just a matter of time. Her last months were hard, we had good times but also bad times.
One of the things I loved more was the fact thar she got her birthday and my sister's, she made it so she could spend those days with family, she got the chance to have everyone together one last time.
I think about her everyday, she is always with me. Sometimes i get scared because I'm affraid to forget her, her voice, her smile, the way she answered the phone, that was so cute :D
I'll always have pictures and videos but it's not the same thing.

when I started writing this entry I was listening to Richard Marx "waiting for you", on the bus. I was going home for the weekend, i haven't been there for three weeks. It was good...

Now I'm back to reality, at the university...
I'm hearing Bethany Joy Lenz "Elsewhere", I like this version, it calms me down...

handbooks...

"Time and time again" by Chronic Future great song!!!

"Time and time again we fall in to the depths of who we are/But you can't keep running away from what you're trying to find"

I bought a handbook because I wanted to have something to draw, to make me draw but only now, when I've nothing to do at work I opened it.
This is me and I want to change this part of me, the part that doesn't draw, that is afraid of doing something horrible or not having ideas.
I'm thinking now that the handbook is going to be not for draws but for writing or both.
I now feel more comfortable writing what I think than before. My handwriting such because I've no patience to write all the letters or words. I guess that's why I've never done something like this.
I have to change!!

"To be yourself is all that you can do" by Audioslave.

They're right, another great song from One Tree Hill soundtrack. This song got into my head from the first second and it's still here.

Now I'm home but when I wrote this I was at work, waiting for the computers to stop giving error messages.
This was a long day...Presentation all morning with debate and classes in the afternoon. I was suppose do work until 10 but the computers didn't start.
I guess I'm tired because yesterday I got up at 6 am, went to the gym, classes and then I had to walk a lot to deliver something. On top of that, I'm sick from my trip to Amsterdam last week and I'm having mind grains.
This is fun, I'm speaking to someone else, someone that doesn't know me at all or maybe for no one.
I don't know if my blog is being read, it's so recent and who would read about me?

well time to pack things up...

The reason why I created this blog

Like I said before, I write reviews for episodes and I have a profile at tv.om

this is what I wrote today before creating the blog.
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the mess in my mind

I just... for a while now I've been feeling the need to write, to say what I'm feeling and what I think.

But I can't seem to get the courage to do that, I write about show and episodes and take the quotes I love most of an episode but I just can't write about myself, I don't know why.

I even once got upset with a friend when he started talking about me with me, I just don't like but...

Here I am trying to say something without actually saying it... it doesn't make sense to you and it almost doesn't make sense to me!

I guess this started when I found the soundtrack of One Tree Hill, the Friends with benefit's cd, there are songs there that make me think, that make me feel and I like it, I love it...

One of the things I think about is the gift of being able to put in paper what you feel (I've already said this before somewhere).

I'm having a hard time writing this now, believe it or not. I want to tell the world what I feel but not to the world I know, to my friends.

That's why I like to write here, because the only ones that see this are people I don't know, that are all around the world but not here.

I want to be known but I don't want it ether. That definitely doesn't make sense to you but OK.

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do you get it now?

The first

I'm Portuguese but I decided to write in English...

Today I decided to create a blog so I can't talk about stuff, about me, what I like, what I hate...

A few minutes ago I took the courage to write about me in my tv.com profile and then I realized something, it was true, I can't talk about myself.

I've just found a reason for that in a conversation with my friend Jo, I said I was in a dark mood today and I was trying not to be too cruel and all. I realized that that's me, I keep everything inside, for me and I have a hard time letting it out.

I'm trying to change it and this is the second step. I will come here and write, just write about things.
I discovered about this passion for write when I stared reviewing tv show episodes, I just had to do it.
Let's see how this goes...

see you some day