Why???

Why can't I just have an idea? Every time I'm trying to work, to come up with something for my project, it all sucks??
I used to have good ideas, I used to be creative but now... I'm working in a office building, designing the building with two other colleagues. This time my part is thinking about the exterior, the facade so to speak. I just can't have an idea for it, it's always the same one. Truth been told I haven't tried that hard, I get bored.
But that shouldn't happen!! I'm doing something I love (supposedly). I should be full of ideas but I'm not and I hate it.

Changing a bit...
Today I was talking with a friend and she was telling about a boy she liked and stuff like that. All my friends had or have someone in their lives, I haven't...
I don't know why or maybe I just can't admit it but I've never dated or anything like that. I've never been in love.
I can't recall my first kiss, I'm not sure I had one.
Guess I'm just too shy...
Sometimes, now more than before, I find myself wishing to have someone by my side, in the bus home, in the subway, in class breaks...someone that loved me as I am.
And because I'm a romantic, I would like it to be secret, my friends wouldn't know at first. It would be our secret.
I guess that's my problem too, I'm waiting for prince charming,I'm waiting for that look across the room, a bump in the street, a casual and innocent meeting that becomes much more.

Like I said, I don't let people in that easy...

Let's stop here, it's better for now

Something I heard today

Looks like this is very popular but today was the first time I heard it so...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the star shine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.

This is beautiful.

always with me

Hey again, last friday was my grandparents wedding aniverssary. they would have been together for 62 years now. My grandmother died one year and a few months ago...
She had leucemia and it was just a matter of time. Her last months were hard, we had good times but also bad times.
One of the things I loved more was the fact thar she got her birthday and my sister's, she made it so she could spend those days with family, she got the chance to have everyone together one last time.
I think about her everyday, she is always with me. Sometimes i get scared because I'm affraid to forget her, her voice, her smile, the way she answered the phone, that was so cute :D
I'll always have pictures and videos but it's not the same thing.

when I started writing this entry I was listening to Richard Marx "waiting for you", on the bus. I was going home for the weekend, i haven't been there for three weeks. It was good...

Now I'm back to reality, at the university...
I'm hearing Bethany Joy Lenz "Elsewhere", I like this version, it calms me down...

handbooks...

"Time and time again" by Chronic Future great song!!!

"Time and time again we fall in to the depths of who we are/But you can't keep running away from what you're trying to find"

I bought a handbook because I wanted to have something to draw, to make me draw but only now, when I've nothing to do at work I opened it.
This is me and I want to change this part of me, the part that doesn't draw, that is afraid of doing something horrible or not having ideas.
I'm thinking now that the handbook is going to be not for draws but for writing or both.
I now feel more comfortable writing what I think than before. My handwriting such because I've no patience to write all the letters or words. I guess that's why I've never done something like this.
I have to change!!

"To be yourself is all that you can do" by Audioslave.

They're right, another great song from One Tree Hill soundtrack. This song got into my head from the first second and it's still here.

Now I'm home but when I wrote this I was at work, waiting for the computers to stop giving error messages.
This was a long day...Presentation all morning with debate and classes in the afternoon. I was suppose do work until 10 but the computers didn't start.
I guess I'm tired because yesterday I got up at 6 am, went to the gym, classes and then I had to walk a lot to deliver something. On top of that, I'm sick from my trip to Amsterdam last week and I'm having mind grains.
This is fun, I'm speaking to someone else, someone that doesn't know me at all or maybe for no one.
I don't know if my blog is being read, it's so recent and who would read about me?

well time to pack things up...

The reason why I created this blog

Like I said before, I write reviews for episodes and I have a profile at tv.om

this is what I wrote today before creating the blog.
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the mess in my mind

I just... for a while now I've been feeling the need to write, to say what I'm feeling and what I think.

But I can't seem to get the courage to do that, I write about show and episodes and take the quotes I love most of an episode but I just can't write about myself, I don't know why.

I even once got upset with a friend when he started talking about me with me, I just don't like but...

Here I am trying to say something without actually saying it... it doesn't make sense to you and it almost doesn't make sense to me!

I guess this started when I found the soundtrack of One Tree Hill, the Friends with benefit's cd, there are songs there that make me think, that make me feel and I like it, I love it...

One of the things I think about is the gift of being able to put in paper what you feel (I've already said this before somewhere).

I'm having a hard time writing this now, believe it or not. I want to tell the world what I feel but not to the world I know, to my friends.

That's why I like to write here, because the only ones that see this are people I don't know, that are all around the world but not here.

I want to be known but I don't want it ether. That definitely doesn't make sense to you but OK.

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do you get it now?

The first

I'm Portuguese but I decided to write in English...

Today I decided to create a blog so I can't talk about stuff, about me, what I like, what I hate...

A few minutes ago I took the courage to write about me in my tv.com profile and then I realized something, it was true, I can't talk about myself.

I've just found a reason for that in a conversation with my friend Jo, I said I was in a dark mood today and I was trying not to be too cruel and all. I realized that that's me, I keep everything inside, for me and I have a hard time letting it out.

I'm trying to change it and this is the second step. I will come here and write, just write about things.
I discovered about this passion for write when I stared reviewing tv show episodes, I just had to do it.
Let's see how this goes...

see you some day