the mysteries of my mind

PTC - ganhar uns trocos pela net

2011-10-12T03:47:00.001-07:00

Ora aqui ficam os links de convites para alguns sites.

Já ouviram falar de sites em que se ganha € por clicar em links?
Pois estes são apenas alguns dos que conheço e onde estou registada.

O mais conhecido é o Beruby:
http://pt.beruby.com/promocode/uOWgL0

Pode-se ganhar por visita, registo ou compra, é facil e rapido :)

Os restantes funcionam por cliques:
Leemails
http://leemails.com/registro/r/164828

Clixsense:
http://www.clixsense.com/?2346480

Publipt:
http://www.publipt.com/pages/index.php?refid=karatiz

Neobux:
http://www.neobux.com/?r=kappaze

IncraseBux
https://www.incrasebux.com/register.php?ref=karatiz

Estes são novo, ainda estou a experimentar:

Bigtimebux
http://www.bigtimebux.com/index.php?ref=karatiz

Refbacknclix
http://www.refbacknclix.com/index.php?ref=karatiz

Isabel Clicks
http://www.isabelclicks.com/register.php?r=karatiz

Vou acrescentar alguns à medida que os vou descobrindo

e já é setembro!

2011-09-09T03:11:00.000-07:00

Sim sim, eu sei que já não escrevo nada desde Julho.
Muito aconteceu desde então, viajei pela Europa, tive almoços e fins-de-semana em família, li muitos livros e vi muitos filmes.

Tenho alguns posts em construção mas ainda não tive tempo de os aprimorar para serem publicados. Gosto sempre de rever o que escrevo para que fique bem escrito.

Mas pronto, Setembro está aqui e ainda tenho muito para fazer :)
Até breve

Hope

2011-07-20T02:26:00.000-07:00

Ora boa tarde.

Ontem foi um daqueles dias em que nada apetece fazer. Por essa razão durante a manhã ouvi algumas conferencias da TED enquanto trabalhava. Sempre se aprende algo e o tempo passa mais depressa.

Estou no TED de 2003 à alguns dias e ontem, entre outras, vi a apresentação de Sherwin Nuland sobre Esperança ("Hope"). Muito interessante e ele diz algumas coisas que fazem sentido.

Ele procurou a definição de esperança num dicionário e encontro mais de 10 definições possíveis mas nenhuma era a ideal, aquela que explica o que é esperança. É o mesmo com cirurgias, "Se existe uma operação para uma doença, sabemos que ela funciona. Se existem 15 operações, sabemos que nenhuma funciona."

O mesmo acontece com as definição de palavras, existem tantas definições e a maioria das vezes nenhuma funciona, nenhuma é A definição.

Deviam ver a apresentação dele:
http://www.ted.com/talks/sherwin_nuland_on_hope.html

Gostei muito.

Amazing Grace

2011-07-14T03:03:00.000-07:00

Não seria este o titulo de uma das musicas mais conhecidas, é também o titulo de um livro, é um estado de espírito. É aquele momento em que olhas de frente a vida, com calma e serenidade, com a certeza de que tudo vai correr bem, que a tempestade que destruiu a tua vida já passou. É quando perdoas os que te magoaram, é quando te levantas e continuas a viver.

É o titulo do ultimo livro que li, "Amazing Grace" de Danielle Steel. Não conhecia os livros desta autora, normalmente leio mais mistérios, policiais ou ficção/fantástico mas à alguns meses algo me puxou para livros deste género, "drama".

Não sei se foi a falta de livros novos para ler se simplesmente o querer mudar um pouco de tema. A verdade é que depois de "The Forget-me-not Sonata" de Santa Montefiore passando pelas "Sisters" de Danielle Steel, "Ghost" da mesma autora e agora "Amazing Grace" o tema é semelhante.

No livro de Santa Montefiore o que me atrai é a capacidade de expressão através da musica, é algo em que acredito e penso que quando um verdadeiro artista toca, a sua alma está visível em cada nota, em cada letra. História de amores impossíveis, de segredos, de promessas e de vidas cruzadas, o mesmo acontece na nossa vida, nada é perfeito, tudo é possível.

Os livros de Danielle Steel têm uma vertente diferente, uma vida perfeita, pacifica, um sonho realizado e de repente tudo desmorona. Steel narra relatos de sobrevivência, transmite por palavras a capacidade do ser humano de se adaptar, de conseguir dar a volta por cima, de seguir em frente. Apesar de ser ficção, penso que muito do que está nos livros dela acontece na realidade. Todos os dias somos alvos de noticias de desgraças no mundo, sejam naturais ou de causas humanas. Está dentro de cada um a forma como responder a esses desastres.

Penso que a mensagem que ela quer transmitir é que, apesar de tudo o que de mal pode acontecer, a vida continua, temos de continuar a lutar, a viver, a aproveitar cada segundo com os que amamos.
Hoje comecei outro livro dela, "Uma vez na vida" ("Once in a lifetime"), não sei do que trata mas espero aprender algo como aconteceu com os outros.

Os livros são algo espectacular, que te transportam para outros mundos...

Criatividade - Lições de "La Familia Crece"

2011-07-11T03:40:00.000-07:00

Estes últimos dias tenho estado muito virada para desenhos animados. Sim eu sei, é coisa de criança...

Mas mesmo assim, são desenhos animados japoneses que via quando era mais nova, davam na televisão espanhola. Ao fim destes anos todos ainda me divirto a vê-los, ainda aprendo com eles.

Uma das coisas que me ficou ontem é algo que é verdade, algo em que não reparamos mas que acontece com a idade.

A cena passa-se num parque, uma das personagens, a Meiko, está a dar uma volta para arejar as ideias. Depara-se com um rapazito pequeno a correr atrás de uma bola de futebol que lhe toca nos pés e a acorda dos seus pensamentos. O miúdo está com a cara toda pintada e convida-a para ir ver o que estão a fazer.
A surpresa dela é imensa, um grupo de crianças está a pintar uma enorme tela branca no chão. Ao belo estilo de desenho japonês, muitos são os desenhos que se podem ver, muitas são as maneira que as crianças descobrem de pintar e desenhar. A Meiko acaba por se juntar a eles que, com o professor, ficam ali a tarde toda. O riso das crianças e os momentos que passam ajuda-a bastante a distrair-se dos seus problemas, que são muitos.

A lição no meio disto está em algo que o professor diz, depois de o dia acabar e as crianças se irem embora. Ao contrairo dos adultos, as crianças não estão limitadas quanto a formas de desenhar ou pintar. Enquanto para um adulto pintar ou desenhar exige um pincel ou uma caneta, para uma criança tudo é meio para o fazer.
Se quiser pintar com uma bola de futebol é isso que faz, com as mãos, pés, com a cara, com qualquer coisa que tenha à mão.

É uma criatividade livre, sem limites, livre de preconceitos e regras. É criatividade pura, é a maneira que uma criança encontra de mostrar como vê o mundo.

É algo que invejo muito, gostava de ser mais assim, de ter essa liberdade de traço, de expressão.
Enquanto adulta tenho medo de arriscar e errar, medo de fazer mal, medo do que os outros irão pensar.

Uma cena num simples desenho animado com mais de 10 anos ainda é capaz de ensinar, é esse o poder deste tipo de series. Através de cores, de risos e gritos de alegria ou lágrimas de tristeza conseguem transmitir algo que podes usar na tua vida, algo real.

Não tenho vergonha de dizer que continuo a ver estes desenhos animados, transmitem mais sabedoria que muitas series ou desenhos que existem hoje em dia.

Pensamentos erráticos, inconstantes e intemporais

2011-07-11T03:18:00.000-07:00

A partir de hoje escrevo em português, já me decidi.
Vou criar um novo blog no qual escrever tudo que me vier à cabeça, qualquer pensamento que tenha, qualquer preocupação.

Faz bem partilhar, enviar os problemas para o espaço e deixar que o espaço os devolva resolvidos.

encerro assim esta parte do blog, no qual já não escrevia à muito tempo.

a partir de agora, nova página, novo look, novos pensamentos

Rita

new blog

2011-03-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

Hey there,
I know I haven't been around for a while and I just wanted to say hi.
I also started a new blog, this one about the movies I've seen. It's kind of my reviews blog.

Every time I see a movie I'll go there and talk about it, I used to do that with TV show over tv.com but haven't had the time to do that in a long time.

So I guess I'm trying to get back to my normal self, to get back to the things I like to do like posting reviews/thoughts about things I see.

You can check it out over here:
http://mycinemahouse.blogspot.com/

new addiction

2009-10-28T17:48:00.000-07:00

I know I've been away for a long time, I have a new addiction that keeps me busy, along with the thesis and project (yeah i'm trying to get a better grade on that one).

My new addiction is Facebook, my games, my team... I've a whole list of applications I'm playing!

Life is good and I've nothing to complain right now, maybe tomorrow or in a week I'll be back here saying I hate this and that but right now, felling a bit sleepy, life is good.

'night all

oh no, not yet missy

2009-07-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

yeah, classes are over, project is done. You might think "it's time for vacations, time to rest,to recharge" but NO.

Oh no, it's time to work again! It's never over lol

Now it's my thesis, the final paper to be presented before a jury of teachers, the final stand in my college education. And I hate presentations.

I like the theme, it's something that always made me wonder. But researching and writing and thinking about all aspects of a thesis is not that fun ;p

Right now I'm at the public library, surrounded by books on churches and natural light. In a few hours I've to leave but I'll be back to this place, to this stage.

Well break time is over, let's get back to work.

it's gone....thankfully

2009-06-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hi

It's been a long time.
I figured out the pain or at least I think I did.
The next Monday after the post it went away, in the afternoon. I don't know if it was just a bad felling or if it was because of a strange situation with my friend's grandmother. All I know is that it is gone.

Well now is back to reality and to work. The paper is due in a week and there's much to do.

Bye

pain...

2009-05-25T04:05:00.000-07:00

it's worse today, I couldn't go to college.
It feels like I can't breath sometimes, like every bit of life just flows out of me and leaves me empty.
I'm trying really hard to work but I don't know...
I don't know why I come here and write this, maybe I just want to let it go, maybe this way the pain will ease a bit. It's like the absence of something, like my heart was cut out but no one told me.

I don't know what this is... maybe a feeling that something very bad is going to happen or something in me will die or is dying.
It's scarier today.

soul reflection

2009-05-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

Hi...
this was hard for me to write and even harder to post here...

What am I doing with my life? I'm completely lost.
I’m 23 years old, I’m in my last year of college and I still don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m here. I’ve never been in love, I’ve never kissed anyone, I feel I’ve never lived!
I want to feel something, I want to be wanted and I want to want someone. I need a purpose, inspiration, something that makes me move forward.
I read the ribbons my friends and family gave me and I couldn’t see myself in them. They were talking about someone else, not me. My mother was proud of me, she said this was a victory in my life…I can’t see that.
I feel I’ve lost my way or that I never had it. I just…I don’t know what to do, how to get pass this. By now I should have an idea of what to do with my life, where to go, what I want to find… I don’t like admitting these things, I don’t know myself. Let’s face it, I don’t know anything. I find it very hard to get up in the morning, I find it hard to do something, to work on something, to take initiative, to live. This weekend I should have worked on my final project and these last months I should have worked on my thesis, a theme I picked, I supposedly liked.

“The beauty is not only in light, sometimes is in the shadow” I said that, I thought that but I only see dark. All these people congratulating me, saying “you did it”, what did I do? I walked through college and I don’t know why.

In what am I good at? Architecture? I don’t think so, I lost my inspiration, if I had any, I’ve no ideas, I’ve no project, I’m stuck in my head. Guitar? Yeah only on weekend and badly. Dancing? I’ve lost rhythm. Computers? The same as usual, nothing less nothing more. Love? I‘ve no idea, I’ve never loved anyone, I can’t even say to my own family that I love them. I’m just so closed in myself I don’t let anyone in and I know that but I can’t help it. It’s terrifying just thinking of letting anyone see me, the really me, because I’ve no idea who that is…
I don’t know this girl, what she wants, needs, what she is looking for…I played it safe, never took risks, I was and still am afraid.

Where I’m I going to find the strength to finish what I started? What I have to do?
I hid behind TV shows, films, excuses. I’m fake.

I feel I'm going to explode, that something is coming and I won't be able to stop it. I'm going to lose it, I can't feel it and it scares me. One little thing may set me off! I'm afraid of what will happen...
I just want to let go of this felling, this ache, this pain, this numbness, this horrible sensation that.. I'm so close to lose my mind I can see it... and I can't stop it, as much as I try.

il mio viaggio in Italia (my trip to Italy)

2009-04-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

An amazing trip! I want to go back! Tree girls in Italy!

We arrived in Milan and caught the train to Venice, first night amazing! The city is beautiful, safe, we just walked and walked, looking everywhere and taking lots of photos. Just look at this one!

The life in the streets is amazing.

We stayed there two days and it felt like too little time but the trip had to go on...

Next day we caught the train and headed to Florence.

Florence was different. Imagine you spend two days in a city without cars, just boats and bridges and people.

No traffic jams no noise, just life and suddenly you are surrounded by all these cars and buses and bikes and they don't stop to let you cross the street. It was a shock to get back to reality.
We stayed there for 1 night and we saw almost everything.

This bridge was beautiful, it had stores on it. I had never seen anything like this.

It was time to make our detour and catch the train to Pisa to visit our Italian friends.
Pisa is a simple town, they took us on a tour and then we went for dinner. It was great seeing them again after so much time. The detour was a great idea.

Were we are (from right to left): Eva, Ana, Fran, Jo, Claudia, Rita and Ale.

The girl that took the photo was Ilaria, one of their friends.

Dinner was fun, we went to a restaurant where they had pizza by the meter, yes! by the meter.

We ate 2,5m of pizza!!!

It was fun seeing the talking to each other and me understanding almost everything. Claudia was surprised about that. lol

It was time for goodbyes and time to go to Rome.

Rome is Rome, the first thing we saw was the Coliseum. I have to say I wasn't expecting what I saw. When you see it in films, the road seems to be in the same plan of the building but that's not entirely true. The Coliseum is in a lower level , compared to the main street. Still it was beautiful.

The two days we spent there were great, Rome is a beautiful city.

This is the Fontana di Trevi. It's beautiful, always full of people and of course we made a wish.

This was one of the best trips ever and one I'll do again for sure.

So many history, so many spectacular buildings. The piazza's were amazing, full of life.
The bridges, the Vatican, a beautiful city indeed.

By the end of the trip my Italian was much better. It's just a matter of listening lol

One more thing to say about Italians, guys please try not to run over someone crossing the street!
It was a action film trying to scape the vespas and the cars, they have no respect for people walking in the street. That was really annoying.

Well this was my trip, there were so much things to say that if I tried to say all I would be here a couple of days! lol I recommend to everyone. Travel, visit new places, take your friends, family. It's a really rich experience as a human being, you get to see other cultures, other religions, other places, have adventures, met new people, just have fun.

This is something I'll try to do at least once a year with my friend Jo, we already made a pact.

See you soon :)

Italy - scusiiiii lol

2009-04-02T16:34:00.001-07:00

hi I'm back

I loved my trip to Italy, it was amazing! Just what I needed!
I visited Venice, Florence, Pisa and Rome.
I've had some really fun moments with my sister Ana and my friend Jo. We even got to see our italian friends in Pisa!

I'll be back with some photos soon, as soon I've the time to pick a few.

be back soon

bye

Twilight, my new addiction :P

2009-03-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

Hi
I surrender myself to the Twilight Saga! Yes I did!
I've never heard of it until my sister showed me the trailer to the movie. A couple Friday's ago we went to the movies to see it. The next day I had to buy the book and so I did.

I didn't start reading it for a few days, my sister stole it from me lol

The minute I opened it I couldn't stop, I read it in one day. After finishing Twilight I fought for 5 seconds before going to the bookstore and buy the next two books, both in my language.
The next day I finished New Moon and the day after Eclipse. And then, once again I went to the bookstore and bought the last one, Breaking Dawn, this one in english.

It took me longer to finish this one, a couple days. I think that happened for a couple of reasons, first I'm not used to read this kind of books in english so it takes me a while to get used to the language, second this was the last book, I didn't want to say goodbye to Bella and Edward, third classes started and with less free time I had so slow down.

But I did something I had never done before, I took the book everywhere with me, I read it on the underground, walking, before classes, every time I had a chance I would pick it up and start reading, I would come back to the story, the places, the emotions.

I've to thank Stephenie Meyer because it has been too long since a book or in this case four books have this impact on me.

I introduced Twilight to a friend of mine, the same day she called me and asked me what made me read this books nonstop, she said "Hi I need to ask you something! Do you read the books because of the story or because it is written in the first person?", I laught and said "The two! I can't stop reading! The story pulls me and I need to know what happens next." She agreed lol

I've seen the movie twice, I going to read the original versions of all the books and I can't wait for the next movie, New Moon.

break

2009-02-23T06:44:00.000-08:00

Semester break finally. It has been so quiet now, I just love it.

One week to rest and regain strength to start over, I was needing this.Now I've time to do my reviews, see my tv shows, be with my family, just relax and watch a movie.

Things are good now, I'm not scared any more. I'm more excited for my trip to Italy, yeah I'm going.
Me and two friends, it's going to be great and then I'll post here some pictures.

That's for now, I've got stuff to do.

bye

i'm scared

2009-02-05T15:45:00.000-08:00

I'm scared. Right now I shaking, I can't stop shaking.
How can a few word have this impact on someone?

I've just erased my last post here, i just didn't knew how to say this.

Have you ever felt lost? like someone says something to you and your world just stop, those words have such a negative impact on you that you just can't deal with it?
That's exactly how I'm felling right now. I've just talked with my mother, I do that every day. (I'm studying away from home).
My father is a complicated person, one day everything is ok the next he just gets drunk. It's really hard for me to write these words but I have to let it out. I don't understand him anymore, I don't understand the need he has to get drunk and start yealling at me or my sister, because it's late or something stupid like that. He has said some horrible things to me, things I can't forget even if I try really hard to. Some were true some weren't but most were things he was also guilty. I know I'm not the perfect child! We all make mistakes but his are getting worse.

He has to have the final saying in everything, even when he is not right, what happens most of the times. The problem is that this has been on for years, he gets drunk, my mother and sister lose their ride to work and school, he misses work, there are arguments, he has an accident, the list goes on.

My mother 10 min ago said "I've had it, this is been on for to long. I getting sick and tired of this." That really scares me because I know she is right, sometimes it is impossible to talk to him, I myself have no patience, if I respond or something like that he just starts yelling. That's why most of the times I just can't be around him when he starts being like that.
My cousin thinks it's funny, that he only does this sometimes but she has no idea.

I can't even imagine my family apart, it's something that scares me to death. I love my family, I hate when this happens, I hate seeing my mother suffer like that, nervous like that, i hate that my father does those things, i don't get it.

This makes me feel so sad, so hopeless, so alone. I'm not a person that cries, I'm the kind that holds everything inside, just keeps holding and holding until the day that explodes and ends up hurting the wrong people. I try not to get upset or hurt but these things get to me.

I just...i don't know what to do...

simply "Fados"

2009-01-24T14:49:00.000-08:00

Ok this one is to talk about a movie I'm seeing at this moment.
It's called "Fados" and it's about the most pure Portuguese expression, our soul, it's the calling card of our cultural identity.
U must have heard of Mariza, Camané, Carlos do Carmo. They are all fadistas, they are some of our ambassadors in music. I've know Fado since I was a little girl but only recently I started to listen, but really listen to it and it is beautiful. Everytime I hear someone singing I just stop and listen to that amazing poem, that poem about ordinary situations, ordinary people, about life itself.

I know have all Mariza cd's and this beautiful movie that taught me so much about this peace of my culture, a piece I didn't know that well. And the surprising part is that the director is not Portuguese, so this is his view of my country, my Fado.
Fado can be translated to destiny or fate but is so much more than that.

If you see the movie let me know what you think about the songs, the artists, the history of Fado.

I've to get back to work, please let me know
bye

"The Life Before Her Eyes"

2008-12-28T17:28:00.001-08:00

I've just seen this movie, I have to say I didn't expected it.

You should see the movie "The Life Before Her Eyes", but really see it, don't read anything about it (like what I write next lol), don't make up your mind about the type of movie you are going to see... Just watch it, feel it and you might realize what I'm talking about.

Is is true that your life passes before your eyes when you are in the face of death? But is it your past or your future? What do you see?

My sister doesn't like films like this one, she likes something, how can I call it, solid, with a "the end". I liked the movie, maybe because it surprised me, it made me thing about lots of things, it made me come here and tell you about it.
I don't want to ruin it and start telling scenes and events but it's hard to explain what I felt without doing so.

When you're young, being an adult is so far away, you have your whole life ahead and it seems that everything is possible. You have your friends, you make your own mistakes and you learn from them, you grow up, you begin to see what life is about.
I never thought about my future, what I would do or how I would do it.

An event like that one in the movie, it changes everything. I've never heard of such thing happening in Portugal, only in the US and one European country. I have no idea how I would feel or react to that situation.
What makes a person do that? How mad, angry, disappointed, hurt would you have to be to hurt so many people? It's something I don't understand.
And this movie just skips it, it takes you to a single moment in time, the moment where you choose, the moment you find out what you're made of, how big is your heart, those seconds where you can see everything.
I really thought I was seeing her life, with her guilt, her sadness, her choices, her friend's dream life but I was wrong.

You should see the movie "The Life Before Her Eyes", but really see it! Just watch it, feel it and you might realize what I'm talking about.

It's time to go.
See u soon
bye

Christmas....

2008-12-23T13:14:00.000-08:00

Here I am, home for Christmas.

This year I0ve got a strange felling, it seems like this is not Christmas. Maybe that's because of all the work I had the past two weeks, maybe...

At least now I'm resting, taking a break from my student life, just a few days to charge back and return to work.

This year is going to be different, my cousins will only arrive on the 24th evening, hopefully before midnight. My uncle won't be joining us, we will spend his Christmas with his girlfriend's family.
I don't even care, I know it's a bad thing to say but that's the truth, we might be better without him here.
My grandparents are arriving tomorrow morning and the day will start.

I guess this is just like an ordinary holiday for everyone, family comes, they eat, open presents, the next day they lunch and that's it.

On thing I don't agree, but that's normal nowadays, is that people think Christmas is the only time to give gifts or the only time to be generous and it's not! Most just pretend everything is ok because is politically correct, it keeps appearances. I hate seeing the news when they show people saying "oh this year everything is too expensive, I've no money" but they still spend the money they don't have in gift when a simple thing would be much better, or at least a useful thing. I always ask my parents what they need, not what they want. I like giving them something useful, something they need now or that they will need soon than something that would only replace a old and still good thing.

I don't like spending money on stupid things, on thing that aren't just the ones needed. But hey that's just me...

ok let's wrap this up...
I just wanted to stop by and wish u all a very Merry Christmas!!! That your life can be full of joy, happiness and love with your friends and your family.

see u later

ps: I know something I can be a bit harsh but I need to let it out and this is the place I chose for it.

Time

2008-10-29T04:00:00.000-07:00

What is time?

A couple days ago I read an article on a magazine about time. Why do we say "If I had more time..."? Time doesn't grow, it doesn't stop, it keeps passing and there's nothing you can do about it!
"I have no time!" For me this is more "I can't organize yourself!" lol that's me, I always wish having more time to do something more but I never get to do it.
I'm in my last year at collegue and I thought, "I may need more time to collegue so I'll stop working for a few months" Well it seemed a great idea, the hour I would spend at work I now could spend doing something else.
A couple months have gone by and I still have no time, it looks like it flyes by. I think about something to do but then I don't do it and it keeps going and going.

For example, I have lots of papers to deliever plus my thesis theme to search and I can't put myself up to do it. The more time I have the less I do.
Oh well guesss this was all somethings getting things in writting helps me, it makes me remember them and makes me try to change them.

See u soon

accepting suggestions

2008-10-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hi guys

I know I've been away for more than a month but college is not easy, specially the final year.

I've been working a lot and I barely have the time to relax. For those of you that know me a bit, you know that I usual make tv show reviews on tv.com, have you seen any lately? that's right, no time for that either and I like doing it.

Me and my friends are planning a trip for next year, to a city in Europe.
I'm accepting suggestions! lol

I've already been in Barcelona, London, Amsterdam, Rotterdam and Toulouse. I also know Lisbon and Porto so not these two.

It's not a big list but that's all I've got for now.

those who stay behind

2008-09-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

Has I was writing a review for the latest OTH episode, one of my favorite shows, I felt the need to say something more.

If you saw that episode, you had a glimpse, an idea of what happens when you lose someone. I heard that loosing a son or a daughter is the worse thing ever but loosing a parent, a friend, a loved one? Who can say what's worst?

Seeing each one deal with it in their own way, with their problems reminded me when it happened to me. It's a path we must take and it can be really hard sometimes but it gets better with time and with the support of your family and friends.

It changes you, it's something you will keep with you for the rest of your life.

At least that's what I fell. I think about her everyday, sometimes just a phrase or a smell. There's not a day gone by her face doesn't come to my head. I see her picture and I just smile, she is always with me and I like that.

This is a topic that just recently came to my attention, it's one of those things that happen that mark you and you juat have to say something.

I cried so many times, I just wanted the pain to go away, not just the pain but also the "saudades"(there's not a translation for this word), the emptiness.

It's hard for all but in different ways...

poem by Robert Frost

2008-08-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

"Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

Poem " Stopping by woods on a snowy evening" by Robert Frost

I heard part of this poem the other day, as an important part of a story, I had to bring it here.

finally

2008-07-29T05:12:00.000-07:00

Finally I'm back and ready for rest.

This last months have been really hard, so much to do and so little time. I couldn't think University, Work, Home, Gym. And today I finally presented my last work, the most important one and the most demanding one too. Next year there's more to do lol

My only obligation is tomorrow a class and go to the gym on thrusday.

It's so good not having to work.

I'll be back soon I promise

I need a break!!! Preciso de uma pausa!!!

2008-07-03T04:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry but this one is going to be in Portuguese...

Preciso de uma pausa! Com tanta coisa em que pensar e tanto para fazer, n sei para onde me virar.
Mas k raios, como é k isto chegou a estes termos??? Um dos piores semestres a nivel de trabalho (a nivel pessoal tive um ano bem pior...).
Com é possivel faltar a tantas aulas, adiar todas as entregas e mais algumas, chegar ao exames sem tempo pra estudar por causa dos trabalho, ter um exame hj daki a 4 horas e ainda n ter pegado nos livros, ter duas entregas uma um dia dps da outra e serem as duas com trabalhos dificeis, mas k se passa?!?!?!

To a ficar doida! preciso sair daki, nem tempo pra ir ao ginasio tenho, tempo e vontade pk se vou comeco a pensar no tempo k perco de trabalho e acabo por n ir, fazia-me bem.

Isto é suposto ser uma coisa que eu goste de fazer mas com tanta confusao e discussao no grupo n sei n, até eu já me passei e sou uma pessoa calma.

Ok ja chega de escrever pk os trabalhos esperam-me aki ao lado...

kk dia volto (espero...)

For those that don't understand Portuguese, I was just complaining about University work and exams, I just have no time to think or feel or be sad or happy, I just need a break from all this but it will take some time, the rest is far far away now.

I'll try to come back..

Bye

I'm disappointed...at myself

2008-06-08T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm disappointed!

When I started the blog I said I would write a lot about me and other stuff, but most important I would write a lot.
That didn't happen or at least not in the last month.

Okay I know I was on a trip a while ago, now I'm back but that's no excuse.

I was on my way to Lx and I started thinking about this.

I promise I'll be back soon, my life right now is kind of...chaotic but I'll do my best.

And I will reveal my "to do" list lol

bye

a month has gone by

2008-05-26T16:48:00.000-07:00

I haven't been here for a while, a month!! I can't believe.
So much has happen, I went to France for a workshop, last week was my birthday, I'm full of papers to deliver...

I just wanted to come here and say something for you to know I'm still alive and I'll be back soon.

Something interesting happened yesterday, my sister showed me some videos on YouTube. A couple of girls singing ans very well I might say. I used to do that, sing playing my guitar. I didn't record it on video but somethings in audio with my mp3.

Some people tell me I can sing, I don't know lol

But anyway it's good to see young kids trying to make their dreams come true.

I'll be back and next time I'll reveal my "to do in life" list. There is so much to do I don't even know where to start but this is for the next post.

Bye

How stupid can a person be?

2008-04-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

I know this is going to sound fake and untrue but really, how could I be so stupid?

I'm having a great time with my cousin, his friends, my sister and my father. We were laughing and talking, it was great, I love this type of things. We are all friends and then I go and say something stupid, but really stupid.

It was my pathetic attempt to be funny. I always hugging and kissing my cousin, I do that with all my family and one of his friends said that she had never seen that, me being so sweet with him. A minute later, trying to be funny I just go and say to that girl "it's because I don't like you" UAUH!!!

How stupid is that, I was going for that "oh yeah i don't like you lol lol lol" but it came out so serious that she got upset, I continued with "i just to have that easy with you" or something like that, then I realized she was really upset, but really upset.
I didn't and still don't know what to do..

I was really trying to be funny but after 4 am it doesn't work, I was the only one that didn't drink and I was the one that ruined her night. She was all the right to be angry at me and calling me whatever she wants...

I've to go, I just don't know what to do..

Why???

2008-03-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Why can't I just have an idea? Every time I'm trying to work, to come up with something for my project, it all sucks??
I used to have good ideas, I used to be creative but now... I'm working in a office building, designing the building with two other colleagues. This time my part is thinking about the exterior, the facade so to speak. I just can't have an idea for it, it's always the same one. Truth been told I haven't tried that hard, I get bored.
But that shouldn't happen!! I'm doing something I love (supposedly). I should be full of ideas but I'm not and I hate it.

Changing a bit...
Today I was talking with a friend and she was telling about a boy she liked and stuff like that. All my friends had or have someone in their lives, I haven't...
I don't know why or maybe I just can't admit it but I've never dated or anything like that. I've never been in love.
I can't recall my first kiss, I'm not sure I had one.
Guess I'm just too shy...
Sometimes, now more than before, I find myself wishing to have someone by my side, in the bus home, in the subway, in class breaks...someone that loved me as I am.
And because I'm a romantic, I would like it to be secret, my friends wouldn't know at first. It would be our secret.
I guess that's my problem too, I'm waiting for prince charming,I'm waiting for that look across the room, a bump in the street, a casual and innocent meeting that becomes much more.

Like I said, I don't let people in that easy...

Let's stop here, it's better for now

Something I heard today

2008-03-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Looks like this is very popular but today was the first time I heard it so...

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the star shine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.

This is beautiful.

always with me

2008-03-11T09:25:00.001-07:00

Hey again, last friday was my grandparents wedding aniverssary. they would have been together for 62 years now. My grandmother died one year and a few months ago...
She had leucemia and it was just a matter of time. Her last months were hard, we had good times but also bad times.
One of the things I loved more was the fact thar she got her birthday and my sister's, she made it so she could spend those days with family, she got the chance to have everyone together one last time.
I think about her everyday, she is always with me. Sometimes i get scared because I'm affraid to forget her, her voice, her smile, the way she answered the phone, that was so cute :D
I'll always have pictures and videos but it's not the same thing.

when I started writing this entry I was listening to Richard Marx "waiting for you", on the bus. I was going home for the weekend, i haven't been there for three weeks. It was good...

Now I'm back to reality, at the university...
I'm hearing Bethany Joy Lenz "Elsewhere", I like this version, it calms me down...

handbooks...

2008-03-06T14:58:00.000-08:00

"Time and time again" by Chronic Future great song!!!

"Time and time again we fall in to the depths of who we are/But you can't keep running away from what you're trying to find"

I bought a handbook because I wanted to have something to draw, to make me draw but only now, when I've nothing to do at work I opened it.
This is me and I want to change this part of me, the part that doesn't draw, that is afraid of doing something horrible or not having ideas.
I'm thinking now that the handbook is going to be not for draws but for writing or both.
I now feel more comfortable writing what I think than before. My handwriting such because I've no patience to write all the letters or words. I guess that's why I've never done something like this.
I have to change!!

"To be yourself is all that you can do" by Audioslave.

They're right, another great song from One Tree Hill soundtrack. This song got into my head from the first second and it's still here.

Now I'm home but when I wrote this I was at work, waiting for the computers to stop giving error messages.
This was a long day...Presentation all morning with debate and classes in the afternoon. I was suppose do work until 10 but the computers didn't start.
I guess I'm tired because yesterday I got up at 6 am, went to the gym, classes and then I had to walk a lot to deliver something. On top of that, I'm sick from my trip to Amsterdam last week and I'm having mind grains.
This is fun, I'm speaking to someone else, someone that doesn't know me at all or maybe for no one.
I don't know if my blog is being read, it's so recent and who would read about me?

well time to pack things up...

The reason why I created this blog

2008-03-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

Like I said before, I write reviews for episodes and I have a profile at tv.om

this is what I wrote today before creating the blog.
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the mess in my mind

I just... for a while now I've been feeling the need to write, to say what I'm feeling and what I think.

But I can't seem to get the courage to do that, I write about show and episodes and take the quotes I love most of an episode but I just can't write about myself, I don't know why.

I even once got upset with a friend when he started talking about me with me, I just don't like but...

Here I am trying to say something without actually saying it... it doesn't make sense to you and it almost doesn't make sense to me!

I guess this started when I found the soundtrack of One Tree Hill, the Friends with benefit's cd, there are songs there that make me think, that make me feel and I like it, I love it...

One of the things I think about is the gift of being able to put in paper what you feel (I've already said this before somewhere).

I'm having a hard time writing this now, believe it or not. I want to tell the world what I feel but not to the world I know, to my friends.

That's why I like to write here, because the only ones that see this are people I don't know, that are all around the world but not here.

I want to be known but I don't want it ether. That definitely doesn't make sense to you but OK.

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do you get it now?

The first

2008-03-02T14:08:00.001-08:00

I'm Portuguese but I decided to write in English...

Today I decided to create a blog so I can't talk about stuff, about me, what I like, what I hate...

A few minutes ago I took the courage to write about me in my tv.com profile and then I realized something, it was true, I can't talk about myself.

I've just found a reason for that in a conversation with my friend Jo, I said I was in a dark mood today and I was trying not to be too cruel and all. I realized that that's me, I keep everything inside, for me and I have a hard time letting it out.

I'm trying to change it and this is the second step. I will come here and write, just write about things.
I discovered about this passion for write when I stared reviewing tv show episodes, I just had to do it.
Let's see how this goes...

see you some day